Imagine this scenario: Mrs A and Mrs B respectively walked into their bedrooms and caught their husbands in bed with another woman. Mrs A got so angry that she took her boot off and threw it at her husband. While Mrs B immediately ran away and called her mother. Now you tell me, which woman is more likely to be Chinese? Yes. Mrs B.
A research about cultural differences in responding to emotional infidelity conducted by California State University in 2015, pointed out that Chinese are more likely to use a loyalty strategy and third-party help as a response, while Americans are more likely to use integrative voice and passive-aggressive neglect strategies.
It is interesting to see how Chinese people react to cheating as news of celebrities having affairs is now what everyone in China is talking about. Every time a celebrity is caught cheating by paparazzi, it will soon cause a big stir on social media and a discussion about how the celebrity’s wife or husband should respond to it.
When it comes to cheating, many Chinese people believe cheating brings pain, but splitting up is even more painful. Especially when children are involved, Chinese women are more likely to give their husband a second chance and hope he would change. Last year when the Chinese Olympic badminton champion Lin Dan was caught cheating on his wife with a model, his wife, a former badminton player who just gave birth to their baby, thanked their fans for their concern and supporting her husband, "Our family will stand together in the same boat regardless of the storm."
You think Chinese wives are so kind and merciful? Think twice. On the surface, they seem to have given "face" to their husbands, but that is just the beginning of his nightmare.
You know when you marry a Chinese woman, you marry her entire family. To apply the same logic, when you cheat on her, you cheat on her entire family. The next thing you know, her parents, relatives and even neighbors will all be involved in correcting your wrongdoing.
Yes, you are in trouble. But don’t worry. The traditional thinking of "one would rather destroy 10 temples than one marriage" runs deep. Your marriage is probably safe, but not the person you are cheating with.
What would happen to that person? If you read Chinese news religiously, you might have seen those horrifying videos that show a woman beating and dragging her husband’s alleged mistress around by the hair, or ripping the victim’s clothes off with the help of her relatives. That’s probably what our comrades taught us. To stand united together to fight a common enemy, right?
Now you are probably wondering if this strategy really works. It does. My mother’s little brother once cheated on his wife. Instead of confronting her husband, she turned to my mother for help. Together they went to the other woman’s place, kicked her door and yelled at her so loud that half of the population in the town probably heard it. I told my mother it was not fair for that poor woman because it was not just her fault.
"If you try to win your husband back, you need to save him some face," my mother said.